Mental health & feelings · England
Limerence: when thoughts about someone take over
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Understanding the feeling
You may think about someone much more than you want to.
You may strongly want them to like you back.
A name for an experience
Some people call this limerence.
It is not an official medical diagnosis.
What can happen
You might keep rereading messages or thinking about conversations.
Your mood may depend on whether they reply.
Neurodivergent people
Some neurodivergent people describe this experience.
Research about the connection is limited.
Feelings and facts
Strong feelings do not tell you what another person wants.
Their choices and your choices both matter.
Respect boundaries
Respect a request for less contact or no contact.
You can ask for help with difficult feelings.
Small changes
Try a manageable plan to reduce repeated checking.
Make time for sleep, meals, interests and other people.
Ask for support
Tell a GP or therapist if this is affecting daily life.
Ask for information in a way you understand.
Urgent help
For urgent mental health help, call 111 and choose the mental health option.
If someone’s life is at risk, call 999 or go to A&E.
Use emergency help if you cannot keep yourself or someone else safe.
What you can do next
Ask for support that fits your needs.
Tell the health team how you want information explained.
Read about NHS talking therapies Web pageThis link opens another website.
It may use harder words.
More useful links
- Cleveland Clinic: limerence Web page
A clinical explanation and general support ideas. Research about neurodivergence is still limited.
- NHS: talking therapies Web page
How to discuss distress and find an appropriate service in England.
- NHS: urgent mental health help Web page
Urgent advice, emergency help and support during a crisis.
These links open other websites.
They may use harder words.
Limerence: when thoughts about someone take over
Understand intense attachment, repeated thoughts, neurodivergence and support that respects everyone’s boundaries.
Adults · England · General information
What limerence means
Limerence describes a strong, often unwanted preoccupation with another person and longing for their affection or approval. Thoughts may feel difficult to put aside. The uncertainty about whether feelings are returned can keep the preoccupation going. The term is used in research and everyday discussion, but it is not a recognised medical diagnosis. A strong attraction alone does not establish that someone has a mental health problem.
What the experience can look like
Someone may replay conversations, reread messages, imagine a relationship or look repeatedly for signs of interest. Their mood may rise with attention and fall when a reply is delayed. Difficulties arise when this takes over time, sleep, work, other relationships or wellbeing. Describe the impact when asking for help; you do not need to prove that a particular label fits.
Neurodivergence and the limits of evidence
People sometimes use the phrase neurodivergent limerence, including when discussing ADHD or autistic experiences. Intense focus or difficulty shifting attention may shape an individual’s experience, but this is a possible explanation. Research has not established that ADHD or autism causes limerence or how common it is in these groups. Studies of passionate love are not the same as studies of distressing, impairing limerence.
Separate feelings from what is known
An intense feeling does not tell you what the other person thinks or wants. When calmer, consider what they have actually said and what remains uncertain. A delayed reply can have different explanations. You can acknowledge hurt without repeatedly analysing every message. If checking has become compulsive, ask a therapist how to reduce it rather than turning reflection into another checking ritual.
Make a manageable plan
Notice the times and situations when checking or fantasy takes over. Consider reducing repeated profile searches, muting notifications or setting manageable limits on checking. Make space for meals, sleep, interests and contact with other people. Start with changes you can sustain and ask for support if this feels difficult. These are general coping ideas, not a proven treatment programme for everyone.
Respect privacy and boundaries
Both people’s choices matter. Respect a request for less contact or no contact. Avoid repeated unwanted messages or using other people to obtain private information. If contact is unavoidable, such as at work, discuss practical boundaries with an appropriate supporter or therapist. Support should help you manage your feelings without shaming you or placing responsibility for them on the other person.
Professional support and treatment evidence
Speak to a GP or therapist if distress or repeated thoughts are affecting your life. They can assess the whole situation, including anxiety, low mood or other difficulties that may need treatment. Cognitive behavioural approaches have shown benefit in a published single-person case study, but this does not establish a standard treatment for limerence. Ask for communication and sensory adjustments if needed. A familiar label should not replace individual assessment.
Getting help when feelings become overwhelming
For urgent mental health help, ask for an urgent GP appointment or call NHS 111 and select the mental health option. Call 999 or go to A&E if someone’s life is at risk or you cannot keep yourself or someone else safe. For ongoing support, ask which service fits your needs and agree how to review progress.
Words you could use
“Thoughts about this person are taking over my day. Please help me understand what is happening and make a manageable support plan.”
More useful links
- Cleveland Clinic: limerence Web page
A clinical explanation and general support ideas. Research about neurodivergence is still limited.
- NHS: talking therapies Web page
How to discuss distress and find an appropriate service in England.
- NHS: urgent mental health help Web page
Urgent advice, emergency help and support during a crisis.
These links open other websites.
They may use harder words.
Where the information comes from
Links checked 9 November 2026.
These links open other websites.
They may use harder words.
- Cleveland Clinic: limerence Web page
An informal concept, possible experiences and general coping suggestions.
- Evans and colleagues, 2026: limerence research Web page
Research on intrusive thoughts, emotional effects and impaired functioning; associations do not prove individual causes.
- Wyant, 2021: cognitive behavioural case study Web page
One person’s experience and treatment; limited evidence that cannot establish a general treatment protocol.
- Soares and colleagues, 2019: infatuation and ADHD Web page
A small adolescent study of infatuation, not a study establishing limerence prevalence.
- NHS: considering unhelpful thoughts Web page
General ways to distinguish thoughts, evidence and possible alternative explanations.
- NHS: talking therapies Web page
Seeking help, appropriate referrals and accessible discussions about treatment.
- NHS: urgent mental health help Web page
Current urgent GP, NHS 111 mental health option and emergency advice.